Chapter 20
“…… I’m back.”
As I was being held in a headlock by a man dressed in black, I involuntarily muttered to myself.
“Hey, shut up!”
My heart was pounding. I’d been really anxious this time, to be honest. But I made it back. That meant that being with Shinji wasn’t the answer after all. And I remembered what Kamiya had said.
‘If you don’t follow the right path in everything, you won’t ever reach the future we desire, right?’
If that’s the case, how many different paths do I have to try? It would mean an endless series of overwhelming choices.
There’s no time to worry. It had already begun.
I closed my eyes and searched for the shortest route—how to make him trust me, and how to move forward.
“Shinji-kun, this way.”
I took Shinji’s arm and started walking quickly, explaining as I went.
◇
I got on the bus.
And while on the bus, I gave Shinji a rough overview of what had happened so far. He looked as if he couldn’t believe it, but right after that, the bus was involved in an accident.
I got off the bus and pulled Shinji by the hand.
I felt a little nervous when we boarded another bus right away, but we made it close to our destination.
From there, it was about an hour’s walk. It was a bit far, but I managed to reach the place where the motorcycle was kept.
“Whose is this?”
Shinji asked.
“My dad’s. What do you think? Can you ride it?”
I already knew the answer, but I repeated it just to be sure. Shinji removed the cover from the motorcycle, straddled it, turned the key, and revved the engine. There was a “vroom” sound and a cloud of dust. A wave of nostalgia washed over me. For a moment, I saw my father’s figure superimposed on Shinji’s.
“I think I can handle it.”
Holding onto Shinji’s waist, we headed towards the abandoned school.
Along the way, I stocked up on extra food. This time, I wanted to stay at that place a little longer. I wanted to be with him. But that was just my wishful thinking.
Upon arriving at the abandoned school, the events of just half a day ago came flooding back.
“If we had met sooner, maybe things would have been different.”
Hearing my words, Shinji gave a self-mocking laugh.
“Even if we had met before I committed that robbery, I doubt you would have even noticed me. No matter how you look at it, Hirose-san, there’s no way our lives would have crossed paths, right?”
Maybe he’s right.
Shinji and I have walked different paths.
But here we are, having met like this. And I’m hopelessly in love with Shinji—I want to help him no matter what…….
Why would God do such a thing? I find myself wondering, even now. I wanted to fall in love with Shinji in a different way.
Or perhaps, if we hadn’t met in this way, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Shinji at all……
“Maybe we really didn’t have any contact. But if that’s the case, all the more reason I don’t want to let go of this connection Shinji has given me. It may have been the first day for you, but it’s different for me. I love you so much, and I… need you.”
I took his hand—this warm hand of his. When I looked up, Shinji was smiling, looking a bit embarrassed and slightly flustered. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I grabbed his hand and rushed into the nurse’s office. I pushed him down onto the bed and kissed him.
“Hirose-san.”
“It’s Natsumi.”
Saying that, I covered Shinji’s mouth again.
The moonlight was gentle again today.
◇
“To be honest……”
As we lay embracing on the bed, Shinji murmured.
“Back then, when I was suddenly forced onto the bus, I could’ve just pushed you away and run off, right?”
Hearing Shinji’s words, I chuckled softly.
“True, no robber would ever let a hostage lead them onto a bus.”
“Yeah. But at that moment… when I looked into your eyes, for some reason I couldn’t resist.”
“Were you scared?”
“No, it wasn’t that I was scared. I was surprised, sure. But it wasn’t like that. It was more like… I felt like I had to be with you.”
“Huh?”
No one has ever said anything like that to me before. Shinji met me for the first time today. Unlike me, he shouldn’t have any feelings at all.
“I don’t know why, but that’s how I feel. What is this, I wonder?”
“I don’t know either. But……”
Could Shinji also be gradually getting closer to the wave of the time loop?
“I guess I’m a little happy.”
I said that and buried my face in Shinji’s chest.
“What are we going to do tomorrow?”
Suddenly, Shinji asked.
That’s right. We have to think about what to do from tomorrow. Honestly, I’d rather just stay like this forever and never go anywhere, but that wouldn’t solve anything……
“I don’t know if it’ll be tomorrow, but I’ll confront those two soon… I guess.”
Yasuhara and Kamiya. I suspect these two hold some kind of… yes, they might be the key. I thought that the previous failure was due to Yasuhara touching Shinji. Or maybe I just want to believe that. If, as Kamiya said, everything has to follow the correct path, then I probably won’t be able to escape this loop for the rest of my life.
Again and again, all I can do is watch as Shinji dies before my eyes. Repeated reunions with a Shinji who doesn’t know me. No matter how much I love him, my feelings will never reach him… a love that can never be fulfilled.
I keep urging my heart on, which is on the verge of giving up. If I don’t hold onto the belief that “this time for sure”, I’ll just keep falling apart. Even if I go crazy, cry, and lash out, nothing will change.
“Hey, tell me something about yourself, Natsumi.”
“Huh?”
“I want to know too. More.”
Shinji’s voice tickled my ears.
“Sure. What do you want to know?”
“Let’s see… what kind of child were you?
“Huh? I was just average. I wasn’t particularly smart, and I didn’t excel at anything. I had a normal number of friends, I guess?”
“Did you have any boyfriends?”
“Huh?”
When I looked at Shinji in surprise, he turned away, his face flushed.
“So… you’re curious about my romantic history…?
I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. I cupped Shinji’s face in both hands and forced him to look at me.
“Well, it’s not exactly like that, but…”
“One guy in high school, and in college… two, I guess. After I started working….”
I hesitated.
Ah, yeah, that’s right, that person I had been dating for a long time since I started working.
“There are quite a few, huh?”
He said with a sulky look, and I couldn’t help but grin again. Jealousy! How cute is that!
“You were popular with the ladies too, weren’t you, Shinji-kun?”
Not to be outdone, I retaliated.
“I…… I haven’t been to school much anyway.”
“At your part-time job? Or on the street, maybe?”
As I pressed on,
“My part-time job is one thing, but what do you mean by ‘on the street’?”
And then he smiles. No matter how many times I see it, I think the same thing: I want to protect that smile.
“You did, didn’t you? Shinji-kun, too.”
As I said this, my chest aches. I realized I wanted to keep even his past all to myself.
“Well, there were a few… but none of them lasted long.”
“I see.”
“I’m the one who always messes things up. Maybe because of that—I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have a phobia of women… but I just can’t seem to trust them.”
“Even me?”
I stared intently at Shinji.
Shinji also looked at me.
“That’s …….”
“That’s what?”
Shinji reached out to me. I kissed the palm of his hand as he stroked my cheek.
“I like you, Natsumi. I don’t know why, though.”
Saying that, we pressed our lips together. Over and over. Shinji likes me, and I like Shinji too. Just knowing that made me feel invincible.
“I love you too.”
We called each other’s names over and over. We entwined, melted into one another, and it went on until the sky began to grow light.
Leaving behind the moon that had gently illuminated us—
Sads Translates 