The Villainess Raises Her Hands on the 4 Count

Author: Shio Katsuki

This is the silliest thing I’ve ever written.

I thought this definitely wasn’t a romance genre, so I chose the comedy genre.

I’m sorry, but if you know what aristocrats are like and can’t tolerate anything that deviates from it, please don’t read on. It’s a gag. It’s a romance, but also a gag.

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“Lindsey Barnes, I am breaking off my engagement to you!”

　

No, no, what is this guy talking about?

　

You don’t just show up at someone’s house early in the morning with a mob and announce that you’re breaking off the engagement in such high spirits. That’s outrageous. I woke up today thinking I was going to enjoy my day off before my graduation party tomorrow, but I can’t believe they treated me like this so early in the morning. Poor me.

Just look around. From the steward to the rest of the servants, all of whom are usually so composed, they’re just staring blankly with their mouths hanging open.

And my parents, the Marquis and Marquess of Barnes, were just smiling. Such huge smiles too. Even though they were smiling, the veins on their temples were bulging and twitching. Even if they’re hopeless, this is a Marquis Family, they are my family. No, they’re not hopeless. My father ruled over the kingdom’s most fertile grain region, after all. We’re paid ridiculous amounts of taxes. My father’s cousin, the King, once joked with that wild grin when he said “Hell, I can’t even sleep with my feet pointed toward your lands!”

　

“You…… breaking off the engagement…… what did you do, seriously?”

　

His Royal Highness the Crown Prince, who happened to be visiting, stood next to me and whispered. He had been playing around in his “disguised as a servant” mode with his sparkly persona sealed away, so my ex-fiancé (or should I say ex-to-be?) hadn’t recognized his true identity.

Well, I was so shocked that I forgot to ask her why he broke off the engagement. I’m sure it was some silly reason anyway.

　

“You broke off our engagement? Lord Ernest, may I ask why?”

“I’m not your fiancé anymore! I don’t remember permitting you to call me by my name! Lindsey Barnes!”

“Well, then, I’ll do the same as you. Ernest Fox, explain the reason for the annulment of the engagement.”

“Wha………… eh.”

　

Ernest Fox is the illegitimate son of the Earl of Fox. In other words, he is of a lower rank. This is not a world where status is so important, but if he breaks off the engagement, I will not tolerate his rude behavior like before. Because it is not a world where status is an issue, there are differences in the way people respond to each other. I am particular about the etiquette of people I don’t like.

Looking around at the friends Ernest Fox had brought along, there was an earl’s son, two viscount’s sons, and two baron’s sons. Oh, could the one peeking out from behind them be the daughter of a baron who’s been causing a stir at school recently? With fluffy pink hair, a face smeared with so much makeup you couldn’t even see a single pore, and marble-like colored contacts to make her pupils look bigger.

The moment I saw her, new memories flooded into my mind.

Villainesses, heroines, condemnation, broken engagements, serves you right…… I read a lot of stories and had a grin on my face every day. Handsome men, beautiful girls, wizards, cool guys…these are all wonderful stories that added color to my boring daily life!

Surprisingly, I’m not shaken at all. I wish I could be a little shocked. It’s like a commoner has suddenly become a noble lady. I think it’s okay to be a little shaken. The words that come to mind don’t feel out of place at all. Even I, a true noble lady, don’t have a very ladylike personality or way of speaking. In this world, especially in this country, there are no nobles who are truly nobles. It’s a world where everyone is free to do whatever they want. The class system isn’t that strict for kings, nobles, or commoners. (However, there are individual differences in how people respond… the rest is omitted.)

Names, faces, backgrounds. I’ve seen them before, I’ve heard them before. This voice, that dialogue. That’s right. This is the world I longed for in my previous life. A world where I thought that if I died, I might have a chance to be reincarnated. What was it, a game, an anime, a manga, or a novel? If the voice sounds familiar, then it’s not from a manga or a novel.

I’ve seen that Heroine-shi before. Wasn’t she a Saint destined to marry His Highness in the end? Ah, no. I’m using my old catchphrase. Even at work, I used to jokingly add “-shi ” to the section chiefs and call them Section Chief-shi or Department Chief-shi. To every employee. A company where all employees are disrespectful.

Just as I was about to laugh with my hand over my mouth, Heroine-shi popped out from behind Fox-shi. Damn, I can’t stop using “shi”. I’ve become like a child who wants to use the words I just learned.

　

“Lady Lindsey! Please admit your guilt already!”

“Huh?”

“I know everything! All the mean things you’ve done to me!”

“Mean….”

　

Maybe she was an elementary school student? Mean. What on earth did I do to her? Even if my memories of my previous life came back, my memories of this life didn’t disappear, so it’s clear that I didn’t do anything even if I traced my memories.

　

“Food scraps were thrown into my locker!”

“That’s terrible.”

“A dead mouse was thrown in my bag!”

“Oh my, how awful.”

“A piece of moldy bread was thrown on my desk!”

“Wait… are you living in a ‘got-stuff-thrown-into-your-stuff’ life now.”

“Pfft— H-hey… stop it.”

　

When I retorted, the Crown Prince who was standing next to me burst out laughing. Hey, stop provoking her. All of her anger will be concentrated on me. Look at Heroine-shi’s face. She’s red with anger.

　

“Hey, you! Ayla said it would be too cruel to publicly denounce you at something like a graduation party, so I went out of my damn way to break off the engagement on a different day! And this is the attitude I get?!”

　

I see. Ayla is Heroine-shi’s name. She led him on and came to condemn me the day before. Isn’t that stupid? What an idiot. He was so easily lured in. Heroine-shi took out an insurance policy. I think she’s a reincarnated heroine. Normally, the story would have been that the Crown Prince, who was laughing next to me, liked her, and would condemn his fiancée at the graduation party. However, next to her was the son of an earl, who was my former fiancé. Unable to correct the slight deviation, the predicted course changed more and more. Just like a typhoon, the forecast circle gets bigger and bigger. If this continues, the condemnation at the graduation party may not go well. With that in mind, she deliberately brought several people here at this time today.

　

“That’s right! You’re a villainess. So you should quietly accept your condemnation!”

“Villainess! Me?”

　

I exaggerated my surprise. His Highness, who was laughing next to me, suddenly became serious, and the servants lined up behind them exuded murderous intent. My parents, well, they were smiling. They were smiling high, but the smiles weren’t reaching their eyes. It was dreadful.

But such things are trivial. Yes, I’m a villainess. A super heel. How wonderful. No matter how badly I behave, I will be forgiven. Because I’m a villainess. That’s the kind of person I am. I have to show off to everyone in a spectacular way.

Once I’ve decided that, I don’t have time for this nonsense. Let’s have them leave immediately.

　

“For the time being, I will gladly accept the annulment of our engagement. We’ll also go through the procedures to cancel the engagement, okay, Father!”

　

My father nodded enthusiastically. He gave a thumbs up and a fearless smile. I’ll make sure to get as much as I can from the Earl’s family. It’s not like I’m in any kind of financial trouble, but I’ll take whatever I can get.

　

“I’ll take responsibility and go and settle things with the Fox family. You snotty-nosed brat, you’d better be ready for what’s coming.”

“Huh!?”

“The atmosphere here has grown quite stale. Now then, everyone – out, out, OUT! Shoo, shoo, SHOO!”

　

Thump, thump I shoved those idiots out through the entrance with my palms. How’s that for my tough-girl act? I wonder if I’ll get an award for my performance. Heroine-shi, who didn’t want to move forward, purposely got down on her knees and squatted on the spot. Ugh, look at her playing the victim. The sheer audacity of this girl.

　

“Ayla, are you okay? You bastard!!”

“Oh my.”

　

Fox-shi came at me with a devilish look, and the servants began to scream.

I dodged Fox-shi and got behind him. I quickly wrapped my left foot around him from the outside, slipped under Fox-shi’s right arm, adjusted my position, and twisted my body quickly and strongly.

　

“Idadadada!! Aaaaah!”

“oh no! i was just trying to avoid it. my body got tangled up and i can’t get out. help someone-“

　

My voice ended up being very monotonous, but I was still the victim. Somehow, I ended up applying the Cobra Twist. Somehow, naturally. Even though it wasn’t intentional. I don’t know why it’s getting tighter and tighter, so it can’t be helped.

　

“Liar.”

　

His Highness, hearing my inner voice, came over to my side and helped me out. Don’t do anything unnecessary. Let me hurt him a little more.

That very same day, Ernest Fox was found liable in the annulment of our engagement. As soon as the graduation ceremony is over tomorrow, we’ll notify him of the annulment and demand compensation. I’ve already made a killing. In the first place, why was I engaged to that guy? It’s strange.

　

“Why were you engaged to him?”

　

His Highness asked me this with a frown on his face, but when I told him that I wanted to know the same thing, he looked annoyed, patted me on the head, and left. That was the story of that evening.

　

　

　　＊　＊　＊

　

　

In the evening, His Highness and His Majesty suddenly showed up for dinner and were having fun with the idea of having an engagement party for me and His Highness the Crown Prince. The Queen also surreptitiously appeared and hugged my mother with joy.

　

“Eh? Me and His Highness are engaged?”

“…………”

　

I looked at His Highness the Crown Prince, who was seated next to me. For some reason, his face was red. What’s more, he has stopped his servant mode and returned to his sparkly prince mode.

　

“Um? Your Highness?”

“So what is this Your Highness thing?”

“Well, you see, this is developing too quickly, isn’t it?”

“This isn’t a sudden development. I just heard from my parents that originally, you and I were meant to be married.”

“Huh?”

“It was decided since we were young, but just before we got engaged, for some reason, the temple accepted the engagement certificate between you and that person.”

“Eh, why?”

“It was a fraud on the part of the Earl!”

　

I turned my attention to my parents, who were dining in harmony. When my father noticed, he suddenly frowned and began to cry. My mother looked at him in dismay, her gaze cold. His Majesty the King and Her Majesty the Queen were both smiling in embarrassment.

According to them, my father, who had left for the Royal Castle with the engagement papers between me and His Highness, happened to meet Earl Fox, who then tricked him and drugged him while they were eating. The Earl, who wanted me to be his son’s wife, stole the papers my father had, and signed them himself, after all, all that was left was for the King to sign, and he had fabricated an engagement between me and his son and submitted it to the temple.

My father and the King found out about it later and sued the Earl. But the royal family and the temple are of equal standing. No matter how much they complained about the situation, no matter how much they pointed out that some parts of the documents had been altered, the Temple would not revoke the application simply because they did not want to admit their mistake. How terrible. My future was at stake. The Temple has become corrupt because they have no competition, so just wait and see what happens when I become the Crown Princess. I will appeal for religious freedom and slowly reduce the number of their believers. In fact, I know that there is dissatisfaction with the Temple from all over the country.

　

“I’m glad he was trash. I’m glad my new fiancée is a better person than him.”

“Hey, wait, what’s that saying?”

“Huh? Was something wrong?”

“Is that how you think of me? Even though we played together so often, don’t you have any feelings for me at all?”

“No, we were just playing childish games, so I always thought of His Highness as just a friend.”

“Well, that’s true!”

　

Oh, maybe His Highness likes me? He’s blushing. Though honestly, he radiates more charm than I do. Well, His Highness is handsome, isn’t he? Not unintelligent either? And we get along well, don’t we? I wouldn’t be opposed to marriage, I suppose. Mmh, approved~.

　

“Well, I’d love to try kissing those soft-looking lips of yours?”

“What’s with that all of a sudden?! Stop! Don’t tease me!”

“I’m not teasing~. How about it? Want to try it?”

“You two, stop flirting like that in front of your parents, will you?”

　

We were kicked out of the dining room because we made them uncomfortable, so we went to a salon and had tea together.

　

“Why can’t we announce the annulment of the engagement until after the graduation ceremony?”

“Because there’s something I want to do.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to teach Heroine-shi a lesson ~”

“You… you have a mean look on your face when you smile…….”

“Because I’m a villainess! Hey, Heath, help me out at the graduation ceremony tomorrow.”

　

His Royal Highness’ name is Heath. It’s Heath Upden. The Crown Prince of Upden furrowed his brow and groaned.

　

“I have a bad feeling about this….”

　

　

　　＊　＊　＊

　

　

Bang! When I opened the big door with a loud noise, all the students of the school were gathered on the other side.

　

“Kyaaaaaaaaah!!”

　

A female student screamed when she noticed Heath and me.

Heroine-shi, who had just come up to the stage, looked at us with a stunned expression on her face as we appeared.

The orchestra, which had been playing an elegant tune until just before, began to play an excitingly blood-curdling piece as soon as I appeared. The conductor was moving energetically with his hair in the air. The arrangement had been made two hours before the party.

　

“Kieeeeeeee!!”

　

I let out a strange yell and raised the saber I was holding in my hand. The students who turned around were screaming something and running away, but this was also planned. I told them to act accordingly because there were a lot of things going on today. Otherwise, they will be traumatized. Even villainesses have to be careful in this world.

I look behind me. Heath, looking embarrassed, raises his wooden sword above his head. No, why are you embarrassed? This isn’t the kind of “pretend” game Heath likes to play. We’re playing villains. Have fun, have fun.

The students stepped back with a clatter. Since it was a stand-up buffet, there were several tables lined up in the venue, with drinks and snacks on top.

The guys from the Knight Department came toward me. When I swung my saber at them, they fled in fear. Eh, so, is the Knight Department okay? Who are they going to protect like this? Some of them got close to me, so I hit them with the hilt of my saber. I hope they were grateful that I didn’t stab them.

Heath was guarding the rear. With his wooden sword, he kept the graduates at bay without hurting anyone. I laughed and knocked down the table. The target is Heroine-shi on the stage.

Like a villainess, I smile broadly. The students who had been running away seemed to have realized that we were not going to harm civilians, so they decided to stand along the wall and watch us. Thank you, students, for playing the role of civilians.

I went up to the stage. I faced Heroine-shi, whose face was completely pale. I hadn’t told her that all this was staged. It wasn’t like her usual fake fear, she seemed genuinely scared. Her knees were shaking. I grinned and bit my back teeth. Then, like mist from a perfume bottle, sprayed a stream of emerald-green liquid straight at her face.

　

“Gyaaaaaaaaa Poison!? Oh no! I’m going to die!”

　

Heroine-shi wiped the liquid on her face like crazy. Hehehe. There’s no way she’s going to die, right?

　

“Don’t worry, it’s green juice.”

“Huh!? Are you kidding me?”

“Oh my. You’ve got a great way with words.”

“Huh, why are you being so mean? You’re still bullying me to get revenge for breaking off your engagement… Kusun“

“No, I was falsely accused of bullying you, so I thought I’d really bully you. I’m the villainess, after all, right? How would you like to be bullied? Tell me, stop pretending to cry.”

“Are you an idiot!?”

　

From behind Heroine-shi, whose face was distorted and angry, the usual cronies appeared. Among them is my former fiancée, Fox-shi. They too were unaware that this was staged.

　

“You! Did you come here because you don’t want to break off your engagement with me? Put that saber away!”

“Oh, why should I?”

“WHY?! THERE IS NO ‘WHY’ IN THIS SITUAAAAATION!!”

　

One of the sons came toward me. Heath struck him from behind with his wooden sword, and he fell to the ground. I quickly approached him, took out a fork from the pocket of my dress that had been removed from the table earlier, and poked him in the stomach. It didn’t sting. It is not that sharp. But it must be terrifying to have something poking around his stomach. He starts screaming.

　

“1, 2, 3, 4!”

　

I had asked Heath to count to four, and when he reached that number, I put the fork back in my pocket and raised both hands. It means “I’m not attacking with the fork”. No, I was attacking, but it wasn’t a foul until after the 4 count. That’s the rule.

I turned away from the limp son and turned my attention to the others. They jumped in shock and were clearly frightened.

The boys were so scared they couldn’t move properly, so one by one, I used techniques like the Drop Kick, Lariat, and Figure-Four Hold. Unfortunately, I couldn’t land a Brainbuster or a Tiger Driver. Too bad.

Smiling, I approached the remaining Fox-shi. My attacks weren’t that strong, so the ones who stood up and came towards me fell prey to Heath’s wooden sword.

　

“What…… damn it…… th, this violent woman!”

“No, I’m the villainess. That’s what you said.”

“This is unacceptable…… Ugh!”

“The rule is that if you hit the count of five, you lose by disqualification, but there is one technique that doesn’t result in a foul, the Cobra Claw.”

“Guhh… ha… nah…”

　

I pressed my hand hard against Fox-shi’s carotid artery. He struggled with a pained expression—then suddenly went limp. He was out cold.

　

“Hooray! Victory is mine! That was cheating! Wait, no it wasn’t! Okay maybe it was! Actually no—! “

　

I bounced around gleefully, parodying a famous anime line, while the heroine teetered on the verge of collapse, her eyes rolling back.

　

“Yeah no, that was definitely cheating.”

　

Heath smacked me on the head from behind. I think I went too far. But damn, that felt good.

　

　

　　＊　＊　＊

　

　

Later, each household received a document that explained the whole incident, how I was falsely accused, how my original engagement was a fraud, the corruption of the temple, and many other details. Actually, I was supposed to report this to everyone in the hall at the graduation ceremony, but I was so excited to play the villainess that I forgot about it and went on a rampage. I was later scolded by the people involved. The public sympathized with me because I had been forced into an engagement against my will. Rumor had it that I had fulfilled a childhood romance, and Heath and I became one of the most popular lovey-dovey couples in the country. It seems that the Fox Earldom had fallen into ruin.

Since then, I have been the target of jealousy and resentment, but I always managed to fight them off.

I still play the villainess to this day, using the corner of a folding chair to defeat bad guys while holding a saber in my mouth, or picking up any hard object I find lying around to attack them.

　

“Lindsey! That’s four!”

“Oh, no.”

　

At the 4 count from my beloved fiancé Heath, I put away the deadly weapon and raised my hands to make it clear I was carrying nothing.

　

So far, the villainess remains undefeated.

　

　

　

　

Was it okay?

Thank you for reading to the end.

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